How to just *accept* praise
Hello!
Does this sound like you?
Someone gives you some praise, and you find yourself brushing it off or squirming under the weight of public affirmation?
Some of us are good at accepting compliments and receiving praise, but many of you reading this will know that it doesn’t come easy when people give us recognition or compliments. I think there are a few reasons for this – some valid, some not so. We explore these further in the podcast, but let’s discuss a few together now.
- You don’t want to be the centre of attention.
- You’re singled out in front of others, and it’s excruciating.
- You wish the ground would swallow you up.
- You’re concerned about how it will make others feel.
- You hate the thought of praise for you making anyone else feel less than, so you’d rather nothing was said at all.
- You’re worried you’re taking credit for something that was a group effort. This is a legitimate concern – nobody wants to steal the glory or be seen as the workplace equivalent of a teacher’s pet, especially if it wasn’t all your doing.
The trouble is, it can come across as false or exaggerated humility if you deflect the praise too vigorously.
You’re simply not used to it.
Sometimes, it’s just uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Perhaps we’ve worked in places where compliments are hard-earned, or grown up in homes where nothing was ever good enough.
You find it pressurising. Some of us feel that when we’re complimented, especially publicly or too effusively, it just creates pressure to perform. We worry we’re being set up to fail or that we’ll let someone down in the long run. This can be confusing for the person giving the compliment, but for someone with low self-esteem, it’s a very real reason to shy away from praise or recognition.
So, what do we find ourselves doing?
We might:
Brush it off, saying it was nothing special
Deny it, saying it isn’t true
Credit others, saying it was the team and not us
Make a joke, saying something self-deprecating to deflect attention
Clam up, saying very little
Play praise ping-pong, giving a compliment in return
Change the subject, shifting attention elsewhere
What might be the best thing to do? I think it might be to simply say thank you.
Thank you. And resist the urge to downplay it or pass it off.
Of course, include others if it was a team effort. But resist the temptation to add “ifs” and “buts”.
In this week’s podcast, we discuss the topic of receiving praise in more detail – why we find it hard, and how we can learn to hear it, handle it, and even internalise it. I’m sure it will either help you accept praise more graciously or help you understand others around you who may struggle with it.
Here’s a little checklist you can use when you’re about to praise or compliment someone:
Authentic – Why am I recognising this person?
Specific – What did I experience or observe? What strengths did I see in action?
Process – What did it take for them to do what they did?
Impact – How did their actions impact me or the team?
Here are some final thoughts for you to take into your day before I sign off:
Quote: “The happy phrasing of a compliment is one of the rarest gifts, and the happy delivery of it, another.” – Mark Twain
Stat: According to Gallup, only 1 in 3 workers strongly agree that they received praise or recognition in the last 7 days.
Question: Who could you praise or recognise today?
Love,
Hannah x