The New Year's Gift of Regret
Hello! Happy New Year!
So it may sound weird because it’s the first day of a new year, but I reckon today is a good a day as any to talk about regret.
Usually, we head into this year thinking about what we want to do differently, who we want to be, how we are going to get there, setting resolutions and goals to set us up for progress and having the best year ever. I thought we could approach this topic together in a different way this year.
So, what is regret?
It is an emotion, an emotion we feel when something went worse than we had hoped. It is triggered when we think of something that has happening in the past. A feeling of sadness or disappointment that you have because of something that has happened, or something that you have done or not done.
Author and researcher Daniel Pink commissioned the largest known survey on regret, the World Regret Survey. The survey sought to understand regret on a deeper level by collecting data from over 26,000 people from 134 countries.
After collating the research, Daniel found that there were four core categories of regret:
Foundation Regrets: These regrets centre on not building a stable base for the future. I wish I’d worked harder at school, I wish I’d adopted a healthier lifestyle when I was younger. These are basically failures in being responsible, conscientious, prudent.
Boldness Regrets: These regrets are around missed opportunities, due to hesitation, fear, not pursuing dreams, not speaking up. I wish I’d told them I loved them. I wish I’d taken that chance to study abroad. I wish I’d left that job, I wish I’d started that business.
Moral Regrets: These types of regret are about actions or behaviours that cross our own set of values, such as cheating, lying, betraying someone. It’s about not doing the right thing, taking the easier option at the time. These regrets made up the smallest volume of regrets, but were often the most painful. I wish I’d done the right thing.
Connection Regrets: These regrets are about neglected or damaged relationships, drifting apart from family or friends. These regrets happen when you neglect the people who matter to you. This type of regret made up the largest category—humans have a massive amount of regret about fractured relationships. I wish I’d stayed in touch. I wish I’d put in more effort.
I wonder which of these types of regrets is resonating with you as you read. I wonder which of these regrets you’ve felt, and which of these regrets you most want to avoid feeling in this coming year. How can you look at regret, before it’s happened? How can we turn the anticipation of future regret into something that fuels us to make the most of the year ahead of us?
In his book, The Power of Regret. Daniel Pink explores the profound impact of regret on our lives and how it can be harnessed as a powerful tool for our growth and self-improvement. He argues it’s a universal emotion and a crucial aspect of the human experience. That it doesn’t have to be negative, especially if we can learn from it and make better decisions going forward in our lives. If we use regret as a positive tool it can sharpen our decision making, strengthen relationships and deepen our self-awareness.
In this week’s podcast we dig deeper into this learning, the research of Daniel Pink and also other thoughts around how we can feed regret forward to avoid feeling it again. I talk about:
The types of regret and what that means for each of us
How to use and process regret for the good
How this year can be better
How to use the power of regret for each major decision going forward
What to do with the regrets we already have
The Regret Optimisation Framework
We can also use the power of regret before we’ve even felt it. Next time you’re faced with a big decision - try these questions:
How will I feel about this choice a year from now?
Will I regret not taking this decision?
Does this decision align with my long-term values?
One of the things that was particularly interesting about the data was that the regrets we regretted the most tended to be centred around inaction rather than action.
At the start of a new year, what action are you going to take that will avoid future regret? What can you choose to do now, so that you don’t get to the end of the year with a list of statements like ‘I wish I’d been braver’, ‘I wish I’d moved on from my job’, ‘I wish I’d made the choice to follow my dream’.
If you’re already worried you might come to the end of the year wishing you’d made braver choices, stepped out into something new or found the courage to start a new chapter, I would love to help you. The Purpose Pursuit programme was designed to future proof our lives from regrets that we don’t need to carry. To give you the courage and confidence to make the choices that you know you need to. It’s a proven process and we start again in a couple of weeks and the doors open TODAY to anyone who wasn’t on the waitlist. If it sounds remotely like it might be where you (or a loved one) is at, come on in, we’d love to have you with us!
If you’d like to find out more, or just start your year well, I’m hosting a free mini webinar on January 9th, THE PURPOSE RESET. If you want to start this year without a compromise on your values or a sense of purpose, if you want to understand more about who you were made to be, grow your confidence and make the right decisions for you then this session will set you on the right path. If you can’t make it live, you’ll get the recording.
1 quote: “As we get older, we regret what we *didn't* do much more than what we did. Over time, regrets of inaction easily outnumber regrets of action"–Daniel Pink
1 stat: One of the most common themes from Daniel Pink’s survey: People regretted living someone else’s life rather than being true to themselves
1 question: What action, no matter how small, could you take today to avoid a future “I wish I had?
Happy New Year, to all of us!
Love,
Hannah x
P.S. If you’re already ready, Join The Purpose Pursuit ™️ today!