The Conversations We Avoid(But Shouldn’t)
Hello everyone,
I recently had my first experience of going semi-viral. A short reel explaining a concept from a book that had deeply resonated with me struck a chord with thousands of you—and it’s still gaining traction every day.
It was inspired by one of my top-reads of 2025, Radical Candor by Kim Scott.
Radical Candor (yes, we Brits spell it candour, but the author is American, so we’ll respect her spelling!) by Kim Scott is a book about how to be a great leader, colleague, and person by giving feedback that is both caring and direct. The core idea is that the best leaders - and, more broadly, the best people - challenge others while also showing that they genuinely care.
And this doesn’t just apply to the workplace; it applies to all of life..
Whether we’re giving advice to a friend, setting boundaries in a relationship, or guiding our children, knowing how to balance honesty with kindness is essential.
Too often, we either shy away from difficult conversations to avoid discomfort or deliver hard truths without compassion.
But real growth - both ours and others’ - happens when we care personally while challenging directly.
Practicing Radical Candor means having the courage to say what needs to be said while making sure the other person knows they are valued. It creates healthier relationships, stronger teams, and a deeper sense of trust in every part of life. When we learn to communicate this way, we don’t just help others improve - we also build more meaningful connections and become better, braver versions of ourselves.
Scott argues that most communication (again, she focuses on the workplace but it is so much more than that) falls into one of three unhelpful categories:
Ruinous Empathy
Being too nice and avoiding tough conversations, which ultimately hurts both the individual and the team.
Manipulative Insincerity
Saying what people want to hear or avoiding honesty for personal gain.
Obnoxious Aggression
Being brutally honest without kindness, which can create fear and resentment.
Radical Candor, on the other hand, is the sweet spot:
Caring Personally while Challenging Directly.
When leaders operate this way, they create a culture where people feel supported, respected, and able to grow.
Here’s a graphic if that’s more your thing:
Why is this important?
Because relationships (and therefore workplaces, families, friendships) thrive when people can communicate openly.
Too often, people either avoid tough feedback or deliver it in a harsh way.
For me, I know I’ve fallen into all these traps at different times - though if I had to pick a frequent offender, it would probably be ruinous empathy. I’ve often held back from saying what needed to be said, worrying more about sparing feelings in the moment than about actually helping someone grow.
But I’d be lying if I said I haven’t also slipped into manipulative insincerity - sugarcoating the truth, or passivity - or even obnoxious aggression (just ask my teenagers!).
The reality is, none of us get this right all the time.
We all have moments where we let discomfort, frustration, or people-pleasing dictate how we communicate. But recognising these tendencies is the first step toward changing them.
Kim and her team’s work helps us see what we are doing (and also how others are behaving) so that we can then do and be different.
The challenge - and the opportunity - is to move toward radical candor, where honesty and kindness go hand in hand, and where feedback, even when difficult, comes from a place of genuine care.
And so, I’m absolutely delighted to share this week’s podcast episode with you - an exclusive conversation with Amy Sandler.
Amy is the principal coach and podcast host at Radical Candor, and she’s one of the wisest, kindest, and most honest people I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with. She’s also a new friend of mine, and I thought she was genuinely brilliant.
In our conversation, we dive into:
🔹 The four types of feedback
ruinous empathy, manipulative insincerity, obnoxious aggression, and, of course, radical candor
🔹 The myth of good communication
why being clear is being kind
🔹 Why “you can’t give a damn about others if you don’t give a damn about yourself”
🔹 How to practice radical candor with difficult people
🔹 Managing upwards - speaking truth to power
🔹 How to invite others to challenge you (and why this is a game-changer!)
🔹 The role of praise
and why it’s just as important as criticism
🔹 Why radical candor isn’t a personality type
(Amy, a huge fan of StrengthsFinder, shares her own insights on this)
Honestly, this episode is a must-listen.
Amy was so generous with her time, and you’ll get so much from her wisdom and experience.
Whether you’re new to Radical Candor or already familiar with the concept, this conversation is a fantastic launchpad into the book - and it might just give you the nudge to have that tricky conversation you’ve been avoiding.
At the end of our chat, Amy truly practiced what she preached - she invited me to give her feedback and offered some to me as well. It was refreshingly honest, clear, and direct, leaving no room for guessing or wondering.
As she put it so perfectly in our conversation, “The kindest thing you can be is clear.” And that’s exactly what she was.
I know this episode will resonate - and challenge you - because these are the kinds of conversations I have in my 1:1s all the time.
I’d love to hear what you think, so drop a comment on the pod or send us an email! And if you know someone facing a tricky situation, why not share the love? Forward this email or send them the podcast link!
With love,
Hannah x
P.S. Find out more about Radical Candor: www.radicalcandor.com
Listen to the Radical Candor Podcast here: www.radicalcandor.com/candor-podcast/
Follow @radicalcandorofficial on Instagram
Follow the author of Radical Candor, Kim Scott, here: @kimmalonescott
Follow Amy Sandler here: @evolvebelove