what kind of perfectionist are you? 🤔
I have definitely been heard saying “I’m lots of things, but I’m not a perfectionist.”
And until recently, I honestly believed this to be true.
It is partly true, you see. I’m not someone that needs to do things perfectly and I don’t need to have all my ducks in a row. I’ll go ahead before I know it all, knowing that I haven’t got everything that I need and that I probably won’t do it perfectly.
But.
Some learning about perfectionism has helped me have a realisation that actually, I do suffer from a type of perfectionism.
Research tells us there are 3 types of perfectionism. Do you relate to any of these?
There’s the obvious one:
SELF-ORIENTATED
This is when you are highly critical of yourself. You inflict yourself with unrealistic expectations that you simply won’t be able to meet.
Might be heard saying, “I could and should have done that better.”
Self-worth is attached to achieving extremely challenging goals that you have set for yourself.
Catastrophising the consequences of making mistakes
Procrastinating or avoiding doing something due to a fear of not being able to do it “perfectly”
Never feeling satisfied with what you’ve accomplished because you focus on the areas which could have been improved
OTHER-ORIENTED
This is when you impose extremely high, and often unrealistic, standards and expectations onto other people and then being critical of them anytime those standards aren’t met.
Might be heard saying or thinking, “That just wasn’t good enough, I expected better from you”
Being intolerant of other people’s mistakes (including what could be minor mistakes)
Controlling/ micromanaging others in order to try and make sure the task in question is done to your standards
SOCIALLY PRESCRIBED
This is when you believe that one or more other people hold extremely high and often unrealistic standards for you, and that the only way to be accepted by those people is to meet those standards.
Might be heard saying “I’ve let them down, I’ve not met their standards”
Believing that the high expectations that you have not met will lead to repercussions
Fear of judgment and rejection
High need for approval and acceptance - this is what your self-worth is predicated on.
Going to great lengths to hide your imperfections, flaws and mistakes from others
Now, I won’t go into details about my version of perfectionism, but, I’ve realised there’s definitely aspects of all (and a lot of some) prevalent in my life.
So, what can we do?
A lot of this is about control. We want to create a sense of control over our lives, to avoid failure, avoid being exposed, avoid letting ourselves and others down. It’s about learning to let go. Recognising that actually, we have a lot less control that we might like to believe.
I think another key thing we can do is to try and create measures of success that are IN OUR CONTROL, and not just about outcomes and other people’s expectations.
When we embark on a new project, a new qualification, a new job, a speaking engagement, a new relationship and so on, what are the measures of success that we can begin to curate? Yes, these might include grades and measures and outcomes, but what else? A representation of your values, your purpose, your personality?
Here’s a few things to remind yourself today. Maybe say these affirmations to yourself out loud.
My worth is not depending on my performance
I will not fear failure, but instead view it as a stepping stone
I let go of overthinking and choose acceptance and self-compassion instead
My mistakes create incredible opportunities for learning and growth
I will detach from the outcome and focus on finding joy in the process
Imperfection gives my work character and flair
Until next week,
Hannah x