Toxic Positivity: When 'Good Vibes' Become a Problem
Hi all,
Before we get into the blog, I just wanted to say that at the time of writing, as a family, we are in a really tough spot right now. We are letting go of a loved one and there is a lot of emotion and exhaustion alongside a feeling of responsibility and also gratitude.
And in the spirit of the blog, I’m not going to pretend everything is OK. We are grateful, we are at peace, but it’s not easy.
This week’s pre-recorded podcast is about toxic positivity. In the workplace, in the home, in our relationships. I hope it speaks to you and encourages you to be honest and real with those around you.
Hannah x
I want to pick on something we talked about last week a little bit. You know that person who always says, ‘Everything happens for a reason’? Or the unhelpful ‘Just stay positive!’ when you’re having a genuinely rough time? Maybe, if we’re being honest, you’ve even been that person yourself.
We all have at some point.
But here’s the thing: while positivity can be powerful, it becomes a problem when it’s used to dismiss real emotions, silence discomfort, or avoid hard truths.
That’s toxic positivity: the pressure to always look on the bright side, no matter what.
And instead of helping, it can actually create distance, frustration, and even burnout.
In this blog, and in the latest edition of the podcast, we talk in depth about this issue.
Because the world doesn’t need more forced smiles, it needs more honest conversations.
What is Toxic Positivity, Really?
Toxic positivity isn’t just about being upbeat. It’s about using positivity as a way to bypass real emotions. It’s when:
Someone expresses a struggle, and they’re met with ‘It could be worse’ instead of real support.
A workplace encourages a ‘good vibes only’ culture that shuts down honest conversations.
You tell yourself to ‘just be grateful’ instead of acknowledging a difficult situation.
The problem? This kind of thinking doesn’t solve anything. It actually does the opposite - it invalidates, isolates, and suppresses emotions that are completely normal and even necessary.
The Myths That Keep Toxic Positivity Alive
There are some deep-seated beliefs that fuel toxic positivity. Let’s combat a few.
Myth 1: If I don’t stay positive, I’ll seem weak.
Truth: Acknowledging struggle actually builds trust and resilience. Leaders who show vulnerability create more engaged, motivated teams.
Myth 2: Negative emotions are bad.
Truth: Not all ‘negative’ emotions are unhealthy. Frustration can signal that change is needed. Sadness can bring clarity. Suppressing these emotions, on the other hand, leads to stress and burnout.
Myth 3: If I focus on a problem, I’ll get stuck in it.
Truth: Ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away. Facing them does. Think of it like a splinter - you can pretend it’s not there, but until you address it, it’s going to hurt.
How Toxic Positivity Shows Up in Work, Life & Ourselves
At Work
A ‘let’s stay positive’ culture can discourage real conversations about challenges. Leaders who dismiss concerns with just push through create an environment where employees feel unheard and unsupported. A better approach? Honest optimism: This is tough, but we’ll figure it out together.
In Relationships
Ever shared something hard and been met with, ‘Don’t be sad, things will get better’ or ‘Look on the bright side’? While well-intentioned, these responses can feel dismissive. What’s better? Just being with the person. You don’t have to know what say. Maybe say, ‘That sounds really hard. I’m here for you.’
In Ourselves
Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away. It just buries them, only for them to resurface as stress, exhaustion, or resentment. Emotional resilience isn’t about ignoring feelings, it’s about acknowledging them without letting them take over.
How to Replace Toxic Positivity with Honest Optimism
So what’s the alternative? How do we embrace a more balanced, honest kind of optimism?
At Work
Create space for real conversations. Encourage problem-solving, not forced enthusiasm.
In Relationships
Practice empathetic listening instead of rushing to ‘fix’ emotions. Replace dismissive phrases with validation.
For Yourself
Make space for emotions instead of ignoring them. Ask yourself: ‘What is this feeling trying to tell me?’
The World Needs More Honest Optimism
The world doesn’t need more forced positivity. It needs people who can sit with discomfort, navigate challenges with resilience, and support others in a way that feels real.
So here’s my challenge to you: Where have you been practicing toxic positivity without realising it? And what’s one way you can be more honest - with yourself, at work, or with others?
Let’s talk about it. Drop a comment, send a message, or share your thoughts. I’d love to know how you navigate the challenge of avoiding negativity and pessimism whilst not dismissing real concerns with unfiltered optimism.
Love,
Hannah x